Spiritual Fitness is the fourth pillar of Cognitive Health and Longevity, a course starting soon!  The first pillar is Diet, the second is Supplements, the third is Exercise, and the fourth is Spiritual Fitness.  Kindness is one aspect of Spiritual Fitness and this blog post is based on my study with Dale Atkins, a psychologist who has studied the many benefits of kindness, one of which better memory and a longer, healthier life.  Superficially, we seem to lose a lot as we age but if you focus on your internal life, aging will become a joyful process.

We need to be kind to ourselves as we age.  Think of yourself as wise and experienced rather than old.  Rather than complaining about aging, try accepting it and being kind to yourself.  Rest more, practice more self care, say no to taking on more, and yes to less. Don’t expect the same things from yourself as you did when you were younger.  Accepting who you are becoming now is an opportunity to become closer and closer to your own wholeness. If you deny yourself this opportunity, aging will be harder.

Being kinder to the people we interact with every day can be challenging if we are caring for a parent or sibling and had a complicated relationship with them.  Pay attention to the balance that we need.  Don’t over give and then feel resentful.

What we needed when we were 20 is not same as 50 or 70 or 90.  It seems obvious but often we keep thinking we are still 20 or 30.  When I look in the mirror, I have to remind myself to see my 63 year old self, not my younger self.  Perhaps, you used to enjoy more social activities and connection but now you need more solitude.  Honor the times when you need to be alone but maintain your relationships.  Be aware of where you are and aware of the people around you and what they need and also what you need.

For most of us, kindness means different things at different ages: child, teen, young adult, mid life, and elder life.  Remember a person who was kind to you in each of the stages that you have passed through.  What exactly did they do?  More importantly, how did that make you feel?  Was family kind?  Maybe they thought sarcasm and teasing was fine but it probably didn’t make you feel good.

How did you show kindness during these different developmental stages.

Where is kindness demonstrated in your every day family life, whether original or found family?

How do you demonstrate kindness now?  Smiles, touches, winks, and gestures can mean so much.  Elders in our culture often feel invisible.  How do you show them that you see them?

Kindness is sincere and genuine, not out of duty, obligation, or responsibility.  Kindness is contagious.  The giver experiences “Helper’s High” but recipients and witnesses also “feel” good when kindness is practiced.  Take time to absorb the engagement.  Don’t just move quickly on.  Take a moment to transition.

Kind people think of others, they are curious, want to know about you, and your experience. They listen and allow pause.

In her research, Dale Atkins identified ten fundamentals of kindness:  She states, “Think of these as a roadmap.  You don’t have to have all of them but each one can be a point of entry.  Every day offers so many opportunities with family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, and strangers."

10 Fundamentals of Kindness

Acceptance:  Not judgmental or critical;  see the other point of view

Commitment:  Showing up

Connection:

Empathy:

Giving:

Interest:

Nurturing:

Observing:

Questioning:

Authenticity:  Be your true self, least defended, open to others and then you can move into all the other ones.

(I have given a few examples to get the thought processes inspired.  See what you come up with for yourself!)